Trump Family’s Crypto Hustle: $1B Made, Memecoins Tank 😬

Well, well, well! The Trump family has turned the crypto game into a veritable goldmine, and honestly, it’s about as predictable as a cat falling off a couch. According to a Financial Times deep dive, Donald J. Trump’s second term coincided with a personal wealth surge that would make Scrooge McDuck blush. The family’s crypto empire, now worth more than a small country’s GDP, is generating over $1 billion in pre-tax profits annually. Eric Trump, ever the diplomat, helpfully noted the actual number is probably “more”-because why not?

At the heart of this financial shindig is World Liberty Financial, a company that somehow managed to convince the world that Donald Trump is its “co-founder emeritus.” The website alone is a masterclass in corporate bravado. In June, Trump reported $57.4 million from this venture, and last month, a token unlock inflated the family’s stake to $5 billion. The FT estimates they’ve pocketed $550 million just this year. If you thought your 401(k) was volatile, just wait until you see the Trump family’s memecoins.

Memecoins: Where Dreams Go to Die 🐱

The Trumps also dabbled in memecoins, because why not? They launched TRUMP and MELANIA, which brought in hundreds of millions before crashing harder than a soufflé in a hurricane. TRUMP, the token everyone forgot was a meme, dropped 90% from its peak. MELANIA? That one’s down 99%. It’s like the family tried to monetize their marriage and the internet said, “Nope.”

But hey, they’re not done yet! The family also scored $42 million from USD1, a stablecoin that’s now the fifth-largest in the world. If you’re confused, don’t worry-so is everyone else.

Meanwhile, Trump’s stake in Truth Social (and its Bitcoin hoarding) is valued at $1.9 billion. And get this: Peter Thiel’s Erebor bank, which now has Trump vibes, just got the green light to serve crypto startups. Because nothing says “trust” like a bank with a name from *The Hobbit*.

Treasury Firms: The Next Big Thing? 🏦

Last week, the team behind TRUMP announced a $200 million fund to buy back the token. August saw ALT5 Sigma Corporation plot a $1.5 billion fundraising spree. It’s like a financial version of “Whack-a-Mole”-except the moles are tokens and the mallet is a family business.

In short, the Trumps have turned crypto into a high-stakes game of Monopoly with real money. Who knew crypto could be as unpredictable as a Trump tweet? 🤷♂️

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2025-10-16 15:01