CleanSpark’s BTC-backed loan: 5% surge and a dash of ‘Cowardly’ charm 🚀💸

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Ah, the sweet sound of a 5% post-hours rally! CleanSpark, that audacious purveyor of digital gold, has once again demonstrated its flair for financial theatrics by securing a $100M loan from Coinbase Prime-using 13,000 Bitcoin as collateral. One might say it’s a masterclass in turning mined coins into liquidity, though we’re all wondering if the real treasure is the BTC or the auditors’ coffee. ☕

Shares, which closed at $13.74 on Sept. 22, now dance cheekily to $14.44 in after-hours trading. A performance so polished, it makes one question whether Wall Street’s stock tickers are just elaborate tap shoes. 🎭

CleanSpark scaling up both Bitcoin mining and computing

In an era where even your grandmother’s toaster is “pivoting to AI,” CleanSpark’s Chief Business Officer, Harry Sudock, insists they’re not playing the ratios game. “We’re not comparing mining to HPC like one compares caviar to truffles,” he declared. “We’re simply ensuring every asset-be it land, power contracts, or energy relationships-gets the royal treatment.” A noble pursuit, if one ignores the faint scent of over-optimism in the air. 🤔

Mr. Sudock’s emphasis on versatility is, dare I say, as refreshing as a cold martini in a boardroom. After all, who needs specialization when one can dabble in mining, computing, and energy like a Renaissance man with a Bitcoin budget? “Versatility leads to opportunity maximization,” he quipped, as if fate herself is scribbling notes. 📝

CleanSpark rolls on with Bitcoin-backed loans

To date, CleanSpark has siphoned $300M from Coinbase Prime-proof that collateralizing Bitcoin is the 21st-century equivalent of selling the family silverware. “We’re holding nearly 13,000 Bitcoin,” Sudock boasts, “and we want them to work overtime for shareholders.” A sentiment that makes one wonder if Bitcoin’s new role includes fetching tea and filing paperwork. ☕📄

Of course, the company is only using a “portion” of its stash, a phrase that inspires the same confidence as a magician’s “trust me” before he pulls a rabbit from a hat. Still, with Q3 revenue hitting a record $198.6M-thanks to 657 BTC mined in August (a 37.5% leap from 2024)-one must tip their hat to the alchemy at play. 🎩✨

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2025-09-23 09:17