Apple to Buy $1.5 Billion in XRP?! You Won’t Believe What the Influencer Said… 👀

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If you’ve been lurking about the underbelly of the cryptocurrency world (and let’s be honest, who hasn’t, especially after a glass or two of port?), you might have heard whispers of Apple allegedly purchasing enough XRP to wallpaper the entire Cupertino campus, several times over, and still have change left for a round of digital drinks at the metaverse pub. The tale began with a tweet so sensational, one imagines it was written with trembling hands and the vague hope that Tim Cook himself would burst through the wall and yell “Surprise!”

The Inimitable Cobb Wields a Sarcastic Sword

Enter Cobb, the XRP knight-errant of X, armed with wit and a healthy skepticism that could cut through a blockchain like butter. Upon hearing the rumour, Cobb muses, “Are the ‘rumors’ in the room with us right now?” thus summoning up images of séance circles, crystal balls, and the spirit of Satoshi Nakamoto holding court under a flickering lamp. In other words, he’s not buying it-and, let’s face it, neither should you.

Apple, for its part, has a history of dodging the crypto party like a debutante avoiding the punch bowl at her first ball. Historically, the company’s stance has been less “Let’s invest in digital assets” and more “Kindly keep those tokens off our lawn.” It’s true that Apple has recently relaxed their crypto embargo, but throwing $1.5 billion at XRP? That’s not lifting a restriction, that’s inviting the entire zoo to tea.

And let’s be practical for a moment, shall we? If Apple woke up one morning with an unquenchable thirst for crypto, would they really reach for XRP first? Not likely-Bitcoin and Ethereum are the belle and the beau of the crypto ball, with the market capitalisation to prove it, and actual governments occasionally use them for things more serious than meme contests.

The gist: Even when Cobb’s enthusiasm for XRP runs high, he’s not swept away by tall tales involving Apple, large sums, and the ghostly absence of supporting evidence. Apparently, supporting XRP means occasionally applying common sense, even if common sense is about as fashionable as last year’s iPhone case.

How Did This Nonsense Start, Anyway? 🐦

Credit for this latest exercise in wishful thinking goes to Dominus XRP Syndicate, a Twitter account with a following so vast, it could start its own principality if retweets counted as citizenship. The post-breathless and tinged with hope-claimed Apple was on the verge of dropping $1.5 billion on XRP, sending the community into a frenzy worthy of a bear market with free snacks.

But as the conversation rattles along, it becomes painfully clear that Apple’s dedicated team of financial planners are no more likely to approve this XRP bonanza than they are to replace Siri with a talking dog. Apple’s legendary caution (read: boring prudence) hasn’t shown the slightest flicker of interest in such grand gestures, and the rumour has all the credibility of a tabloid headline involving Elvis, aliens, and secret moon bases.

The bottom line: Unless Tim Cook personally livestreams himself in a bathtub full of XRP tokens (not recommended, Tim), this story remains a product of Twitter-churned hope, speculation, and the irresistible allure of a billion-dollar headline. Until then, it’s just another day in crypto-land-keep your monocle polished and your wallet safe. 🧐💸

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2025-09-10 19:39