Wall Street Thinks Ethereum Is Cheap-Has Anyone Checked Their Wallets?

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If you’ve ever bought crypto at the peak and felt smug about it, congratulations: Geoffrey Kendrick, global head of digital assets at Standard Chartered (and clearly no stranger to an enthusiastic spreadsheet), says you’re actually shopping at a virtual yard sale. Ethereum and those over-caffeinated treasury firms-known in the circles where people say “DAT” without cringing-are, allegedly, still “cheap.” Yes, cheap, as in the opposite of what my mother calls me when I buy generic peanut butter.

Treasury Firms Amassing ETH (Because Why Just Hoard Stale Bread?) 🏦

According to Kendrick, Ethereum treasury companies have slurped up 2.6% of the world’s ETH like it was grandma’s homemade gravy, all in three months. Spot ETFs apparently saw that and tried to one-up them, gobbling 2.3%, because nothing says FOMO like Wall Street buying digital tokens it can’t actually pronounce. BitMine Immersion is taking things very literally and wants 5% of Ethereum, probably to build a pixelated Scrooge McDuck swimming pool.

Kendrick thinks all this accumulation is a huge deal for the likes of SharpLink Gaming (SBET)-no, it’s not a dating site for people who own servers-and BitMine Immersion (BMNR). Compared to apparently sexier bitcoin treasuries like MicroStrategy, these ETH hoarders get a 3% staking yield. MicroStrategy can only nibble on dreams and volatile price charts.

Buyback Support: The Shareholder Comfort Blanket 🎟️

SharpLink, being less emotionally distant than most stocks, has promised to buy back shares if their NAV multiple drops below 1.0. This is Kendrick’s idea of a “hard floor”-which, incidentally, is also how most crypto investors describe their living situation after a bear market. According to him, Ethereum treasuries are more attractive than those prim U.S. spot ETFs, which can’t stake tokens or hop on the DeFi bandwagon. It’s like watching your cousin get a better allowance just because mom likes his haircut.

Price Targets and Broader Outlook: Kendrick’s Fortune Cookie 🥠

Kendrick’s year-end target for ETH is $7,500, with dreams of $25,000 by 2028. ETH is at $4,530, and after the recent sell-off, he calls this a “great entry point” (translation: “Buy my bags, please”).

Not satisfied with just one bold proclamation, Kendrick throws more darts: Bitcoin to $135,000 by the end of September (because regular autumn vibes weren’t anxiety-inducing enough), $200,000 by year’s end, and $500,000 by 2028. If someone manages to turn this prediction into a game of crypto bingo, they’d probably win a Lambo mousepad. For those bored by coins that actually do things, there’s BNB at $2,775, Avalanche (AVAX) at $250, and XRP at $12.50, someday, maybe, if the universe is feeling generous.

Stablecoins-whose emotional range is somewhere between “beige” and “off-white”-are expected to balloon to $2 trillion in supply, which is almost enough to buy two eggs in Manhattan in 2028.

If you’re an investor, the message is both clear and suspiciously optimistic: Yes, ETH is expensive, but Standard Chartered swears it’s still a bargain, in the way my uncle claims his six-year-old Honda is “as good as new.”

This information is for entertainment and confusion only. Don’t take investment advice from people who make jokes about digital ducks, and definitely don’t sue Coindoo.com if you bet the farm and end up with stablecoin livestock. Consult your financial therapist.

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2025-08-27 09:05