Satoshi Overtakes Gates: Bezos Quivers, Musk Laughs?

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Behold, the enigmatic Satoshi Nakamoto, that spectral architect of Bitcoin, has now surpassed the venerable Bill Gates in net worth. A feat achieved not through the alchemy of Microsoft, but the digital gold rush of cryptocurrency. One might say it’s the triumph of the cypherpunk over the software sultan-though perhaps “triumph” is too grand a word for a man who has never, to this day, cashed a single coin. 🚀

With Bitcoin’s recent meteoric rise to a new stratospheric high, Satoshi’s fortune now gleams at a staggering $132.6 billion. Gates, that paragon of productivity and philanthropy, trails behind with a mere $119 billion. A $13.6 billion lead, one might say, is but a pittance for a man who has spent the last decade sipping tea and watching the world burn. Or perhaps he’s sipping something stronger. 🍵

The Cryptographic Oligarch’s Playbook

According to the esteemed Arkham Intelligence, Satoshi’s hoard of 1.096 million BTC has grown by a paltry 1% in 24 hours. A modest gain, to be sure, but enough to outpace Gates. Meanwhile, Jeff Bezos, that e-commerce emperor, languishes at $235 billion, and Mark Zuckerberg, that modern-day Cassius, sits at $272.3 billion. But fear not, dear readers! Elon Musk, that Elon Musk, reigns supreme with $419.5 billion. A sum so vast it could buy the entire British Isles, if only he weren’t too busy launching rockets to Mars. 🚀

Bitcoin itself, that digital tulip, soared to $124,457 per coin before retreating slightly to $118,900-a 4.25% drop that has surely left investors clutching their pearls. Or, as one might say in this brave new world, clutching their crypto wallets. 💸

SpaceX’s Bitcoin Bag: A Cosmic Windfall

Arkham also revealed that SpaceX, that paragon of futuristic optimism, has seen its Bitcoin holdings surge to $1.009 billion. A tidy sum, considering the company has held the asset since January 2021. Three years and four months, one might say, is a long time to wait for a fortune-but then again, rocket science is a slow burn. 🔥

SPACEX NOW HOLDS $1 BILLION OF BITCOIN

After 3 years 4 months, SpaceX’s Bitcoin stack is finally worth over $1 Billion.

SpaceX has held Bitcoin since January 2021.

And what of Tesla? That electric car company, now worth $138 billion in Bitcoin. A sum so absurd it makes one wonder if the cars themselves are powered by crypto. Or perhaps they’re just powered by Musk’s sheer will to defy gravity-both literal and financial. 🚗

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2025-08-14 17:14