Ether Shorts Roasted: Eric Trump Laughs All the Way to $4K

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Friday came roaring through the crypto hills like a drunken gold prospector, and Ether lit up the sky above them all. Shorts got wiped out in a spectacle big enough to make a Wall Street suit forget his tie-some $105 million lost in the blink of an eye, the price surging past $4,000 like it just remembered it owed you a favor. Analysts in their smoky little rooms mumbled about a “short squeeze.” If you squinted through the haze, you could almost hear the bears whimper.

Eric Trump, who’s got more tweets than a field has grasshoppers, took the opportunity to poke at the battered traders-the ones who bet against crypto like they forgot it bites back.

$4,100: The Great Wall for Shorts (Bring Crisp Underpants)

“It puts a smile on my face to see ETH shorts get smoked today. Stop betting against BTC and ETH-you will be run over,” Eric quipped on X, probably grinning like someone who finds a forgotten $20 bill in his jeans. If only his dad had gotten this kind of market action, maybe he’d have skipped politics and bought a yacht instead. 🛥️

On this wild Friday, Ether’s market saw $105 million in short positions evaporate into the air. To put it in Steinbeck terms, it was as if half the men in town woke up to find their pocket money gone. Altogether, $199.61 million in shorts got liquidated across crypto, though Ether hogged the spotlight like a barn cat at feeding time. According to CoinGlass, Ether breached $4,000 for the first time since December 2024; if that’s not a reason to pour whiskey over your morning cereal, I don’t know what is.

Ether almost toppled $4,060-the kind of price that gets men dreaming of new boots-before settling back to $4,015, according to Nansen. A trader named Ash Crypto (presumably no relation to blackjack dealers) called $4,100 “major resistance.” Pretty grand language for a number on a screen, but in this world, it might as well be the fence around your neighbor’s very juicy orchard.

“If ETH breaks $4100, it could trigger a short squeeze which will send ETH to $4400-$4500 in just a few hours,” Ash muttered, perhaps double-checking his personal stash, just in case. 🍿

Ether Optimism Is Bubbling Like Moonshine in a Bathtub

Ted-another trader, perhaps working out of a shack with internet powered by hamster-swears it’s never looked this bullish. Institutional interest is rolling in, and Ether ETFs are sucking up dollars like a gambler on his lucky streak. Over the last four trading days, spot Ether ETFs have seen about $537 million stroll right through the door, according to Farside data. That’s enough to buy every donut in San Francisco for roughly 30 years. 🍩💰

Dreamers in the crypto desert are making wild price predictions. Crypto trader Moustache-yes, that’s what he’s called-reckons Ether’s about to climb to $10,000+, and he promises he’s not joking, even if his barber might be. Meanwhile, Fundstrat co-founder Tom Lee compares Ether to Bitcoin’s wild ride in 2017, saying it could reach $16,000 if it keeps behaving like a runaway horse. Who knew digital money could be so dramatic?

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2025-08-09 05:39