🤡 Trump’s Pardon Circus: SBF Left in the Dust! 🍿

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A Tale of Woe and Wretchedness 🌪️

  • Behold! The great Trump hath decreed: No pardon for the fallen crypto czar, Sam Bankman-Fried! 🦹‍♂️✨
  • SBF, once a titan, now languishes in chains for 25 long years, his crimes as vast as the steppes of Russia. ⛓️💨
  • Caroline Ellison, his former comrade, sips tea in community confinement after a mere 11 months. 🍵🏡

In the land of the free and the home of the brave, the mighty Donald Trump hath spoken with a voice of thunder. “No pardon for thee, Sam Bankman-Fried!” he proclaimed, his words echoing through the marble halls of power. The former CEO of FTX, once a prince of the crypto realm, now lies in the dust, his dreams of clemency shattered like a cheap porcelain vase. 🏛️💔

In an interview with the esteemed New York Times, Trump, with a wave of his hand, banished SBF from the realm of mercy. “Thou art excluded!” he declared, his tone as cold as a Siberian winter. “No pardon for thee or thy ilk!” And so, the fate of SBF was sealed, his 25-year sentence as unyielding as the bureaucracy of a Gogol novella. 📰❄️

The Rise and Fall of a Crypto Tsar

Ah, Sam Bankman-Fried! Once a name that glittered like a freshly minted coin, now tarnished and forgotten. In 2019, he founded FTX, a crypto empire that rose like a phoenix from the ashes of obscurity. But alas, in November 2022, the winds of fate turned, and FTX crumbled like a poorly built dacha. Funds vanished, secrets were unveiled, and millions wept for their lost rubles… er, crypto. 🏰💸

In 2023, a jury of his peers found him guilty of fraud, and in 2024, the gavel fell: 25 years in the iron embrace of justice. A tale as tragic as it is absurd, fit for the pen of Gogol himself. ⚖️😂

Meanwhile, Caroline Ellison, the former CEO of Alameda Research, enjoys the comforts of community confinement after a mere 11 months. The fickle hand of justice! One is cast into the abyss, while the other sips tea in a halfway house. Life, my dear reader, is but a farce. 🍵🤡

The Pardon That Wasn’t

SBF, ever the optimist, sought to rebuild his image through media interviews and social media theatrics. He even appeared with Tucker Carlson, lamenting his prison life and whispering of pardons. His parents, like characters from a Gogol tale, scurried to Trump’s circle, pleading for mercy. But Trump, unmoved, pardoned instead the likes of Juan Orlando Hernández and Changpeng “CZ” Zhao. SBF? Left in the cold, his chances of pardon hovering at a paltry 5%. 🗣️❄️

On Polymarket, the prediction market, traders laugh and wager, giving SBF a mere 5% chance of freedom before 2027. Ah, the cruelty of numbers! 📉😂

Trump and the Crypto Circus

Trump, ever the showman, denies any conflict of interest in his crypto ties. “I backed crypto,” he boasts, “and the people loved me for it!” His family, it seems, has fingers in every crypto pie: Bitcoin mining, stablecoins, even a memecoin. Yet, for SBF, no pardon. Not for him, nor for Diddy, Menendez, or Maduro. The pardon pen is mighty, but it does not write for all. 🖋️🤹‍♂️

And so, dear reader, we leave you with this tale of hubris, folly, and the absurdity of fate. In the world of Trump and crypto, the only certainty is uncertainty. Until next time, may your investments be wise and your pardons plentiful! 🌪️💰

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2026-01-09 11:03