🤑 Mamdani’s Mayoral Win: Crypto’s New York Nightmare? 🤑

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Ah, the proletariat has spoken! Zohran Mamdani, the champion of the downtrodden, has seized the mayoral throne of New York City after a campaign as long as a Bitcoin transaction confirmation. 🏛️ The crypto oligarchs, with their gilded wallets and silicon dreams, have been watching with the same anxiety as a gambler on a losing streak. What does this mean for the blockchain bourgeoisie? Only time will tell, comrades! ⏳

The Associated Press, that trusty herald of the news, declared Mamdani the victor on Wednesday. He trounced the likes of former Governor Andrew Cuomo (running as an independent, no less!) and Republican Curtis Silwa. Mamdani’s campaign, you see, was all about the bread-and-butter issues-rent, childcare, and the like. His solution? Tax the top 1% until they squeal like stuck pigs. 🐷

The crypto elite, such as Gemini’s Tyler Winklevoss, are clutching their digital pearls. 😱 “Disaster!” they cry. “Communism!” they wail. But Mamdani, ever the pragmatist, has said little about crypto directly. His focus? Protecting the little guy from the whims of the market and the greed of the rich. 🛡️

Mamdani’s Crypto Stance: As Clear as a Muddied Blockchain

While Cuomo and former Mayor Eric Adams were busy cozying up to the crypto barons, Mamdani kept his cards close to his chest. His few remarks on the subject were more about consumer protection and sticking it to his opponents than any grand policy vision. 🃏

In 2023, after the Terra and FTX debacles, Mamdani backed a consumer protection bill. “When crypto crashes,” he declared, “it’s the little people who suffer-not the fat cats in their ivory towers.” 🏰 Meanwhile, he took a swipe at Cuomo for advising OKX, a crypto exchange that ended up paying $500 million in penalties for money laundering. Ouch! 💸

Despite his lack of direct crypto policy, the blockchain billionaires are up in arms. David Sacks, the White House AI and crypto czar, warned Silicon Valley to either join MAGA or risk becoming Mamdani’s dinner. 🍽️ Tyler Winklevoss accused Mamdani’s supporters of being spoiled brats who never appreciated Western civilization. And Shaun Maguire, a Sequoia partner, offered a thinly veiled Islamophobic critique. 🕵️‍♂️

The financiers poured money into Cuomo’s campaign like water into a sinking ship. Hedge fund manager Bill Ackman donated $1.25 million to anti-Mamdani PACs. Mamdani’s response? “He’s spending more against me than I’d even tax him.” 😂

What Can the Mayor Really Do?

Here’s the kicker: the mayor’s power over crypto is about as substantial as a NFT’s intrinsic value. 🖼️ Securities and finance laws come from Albany and Washington, not City Hall. Mamdani can tinker with municipal taxes, licenses, and permits, but even that’s limited. As crypto lawyer Aaron Brogan puts it, “Crypto firms don’t need much-just a room full of brains and an idea. They’re not exactly shaking in their boots over local politics.” 🧠

Mamdani won’t take office until January 1, 2026, and even then, he’ll have his hands full fighting for his agenda. Whether he’ll target crypto remains to be seen. Until then, the crypto elite can only wring their hands and hope the revolution doesn’t come for their digital gold. 🚀

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2025-11-05 06:13