Key Highlights (Or Should We Say, High-Larious?)
- BitMine’s treasure chest now holds a whopping $13.2 billion, thanks to their Ethereum stash, which has ballooned to over 3.5 million ETH tokens. 🧙♂️✨
- In just one week, they gobbled up 110,288 ETH – because who needs a diet when you’re on a crypto binge? 🍔💸
- This puts them at 2.9% of the ETH supply, inching closer to their 5% goal. Almost there, champ! 🏆
BitMine Immersion Technologies (BMNR), the crypto world’s answer to a gold-digging pirate, has announced its Ethereum (ETH) holdings have hit 3,505,723 tokens. Their total loot? A cool $13.2 billion, including ETH, 192 Bitcoin, a $61 million stake in Eightco Holdings, and $398 million in cash. Arrr, matey! 🏴☠️
This makes BitMine the world’s largest corporate Ethereum treasury and the second-biggest crypto hoarder globally, right behind Strategy Inc. Watch out, Strategy – BitMine’s coming for your crown! 👑
The Quest for 5% (Or, “The Holy Grail of Crypto”)
BitMine’s 3.5 million ETH is about 2.9% of the total Ethereum supply. They’re also a hot stock, ranking 48th in U.S. trading volume with $1.6 billion daily. Institutional investors are swooning – or maybe just laughing all the way to the bank. 💼😂
Their master plan? The “alchemy of 5%” – acquiring 5% of all ETH. Because why stop at 2.9% when you can have more? It’s like collecting stamps, but way more expensive. 🧪🤑
Industry Experts Are (Literally) Buying In
BitMine has the backing of big shots like ARK, Founders Fund, and Tom Lee, who’s probably high-fiving himself right now. Their business? Bitcoin mining, synthetic Bitcoin mining, and crypto advice – because everyone needs a crypto therapist. 🧠💡
Recently, BitMine and the Ethereum Foundation threw a fancy summit at the NYSE. Wall Street suits and crypto nerds mingling? Now that’s a party! 🎉
When ETH prices dipped, BitMine pounced like a crypto cougar, snatching up 110,288 ETH in a week. Chairman Tom Lee confirmed the spree, proving they’re not just hoarders – they’re strategic hoarders. 🦹♂️📉
Tom Lee’s Wild Crypto Dreams
Chairman Lee believes Ethereum is the “super cycle story” of the decade, thanks to Wall Street’s blockchain obsession. He even compared it to the end of Bretton Woods in 1971 – because nothing says “financial revolution” like a 50-year-old analogy. 📈🕰️
Their immediate goal? The “alchemy of 5%” – they’re halfway there, so no pressure! Just another 2.1% to go. Easy peasy, right? 🧙♂️🔥
With $13.2 billion in assets and a plan to dominate Ethereum, BitMine is the crypto world’s version of a sitcom protagonist – ambitious, slightly absurd, and utterly entertaining. Stay tuned for the next episode! 🎬🤣
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2025-11-11 00:58