🚀 BitMine Splurges $105M on ETH – Who’s Counting?

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BitMine’s 2026 opener: $105M flushed into ETH, now hoarding 4.07M tokens while clutching $915M cash like a paranoid squirrel. 🐿️💸

Our brave titans of finance, BitMine, kicked off the year not with resolutions, but with a digital gold rush. 🎰 Why save for retirement when you can buy Ether and pray to the blockchain gods?

They dumped $105 million on ETH, because nothing says “stability” like gambling with volatile crypto. 🎲 This move cements their crown as the world’s top corporate Ether pirate. 🏴‍☠️

Experts warn of stormy seas ahead, but BitMine’s sailing full steam into the iceberg. 🧊⚓️

BitMine’s $105M ETH Shopping Spree

Data from Arkham reveals the scale of this madness: $105 million flushed into ETH, their first “investment” of 2026. 🤯

Their stash now totals 4.07 million ETH, worth $12.6 billion – roughly 3% of all Ether ever mined. A small chunk of the digital pie, right? 🥧

TOM LEE’S SPENDING SPREE CONTINUES

Tom Lee’s Bitmine splurged $105.3M last week, hitting $13.23 BILLION in holdings. They staked $1.46B of Ethereum, now owning 3.43% of the supply. Because why not?

Lee’s mantra: “Buy high, stake higher.” 🚀

– Arkham (@arkham)

Cash Pile Bigger Than My Student Loan Debt

After burning $100M, BitMine still sits on $915 million. That’s enough to buy a small island or fund 10,000 indie crypto startups. 🏝️

If ETH tanks, they’ll “buy the dip” like it’s Black Friday. Smaller firms? They’re too busy selling organs to stay afloat. 😷

Chairman Tom Lee dreams of owning 5% of all ETH – “the Alchemy of 5%.” Because 3.43% just isn’t extra enough. 🌟

Staking: The New Get-Rich-Quick Scheme

BitMine’s not just hoarding ETH – they’re “staking” $2.87B worth to earn “passive income.” 🛏️💰

Tom Lee staked 128,704 ETH ($405M) in 5 HOURS. Total staked: 936,512 ($2.87B). No biggie.

– Lookonchain (@lookonchain)

Last week, they added 128K ETH to the staking pool. Because watching money grow without lifting a finger is so 18th-century aristocracy. 👑

MAVAN: BitMine’s DIY Validator Circus

They’re building their own “Made in America Validator Network” (MAVAN) to cut out the middlemen. Finally, a tech empire where BitMine keeps all the coins AND the glory. 💻🎩

Gone are the days of paying others to stake; now it’s their own hardware, their own rules. A self-sustaining capitalist utopia! 🧱

Market Outlook: Brace for the Whiplash

2026’s been a rollercoaster: Tom Lee predicts ETH might crash to $1,800. A “stress test,” he calls it. More like a horror movie sequel. 🎢

But hey, dips mean “buying opportunities” for whales. While you panic-sell, BitMine’s doubling down. 🎩

Nansen data shows whales bought $11M ETH last week. New wallets added $1B. The rich get richer, and the poor get memes. 📈

Smart money sells, but long-term hodlers buy – the eternal dance of capital. 🕺

Related Reading: ETH Exit Queue Hits Zero: Supply Shock Incoming?

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2026-01-08 16:53